Funny Poem

So Jonathan decided last night, that he’d pull out old photos and keep sakes to organize and pack them better.  One of the bins was my stuff from high school.  Not only were there pictures, but there were a lot of drawings and poems I made.  There were a few years in high school and into college that I was extremely alone.  My high school was very small (grades 7-12 shared the same one-hallway building), making my graduating class 57.  I felt so crowded in my lame stereotype that was established long ago in elementary.  Everybody knew everyone and everything.  My closest brother and my only sister went away on missions, my two oldest brothers moved away, leaving me with my parents and a younger brother that actually had a social life.  I have always took to drawing, for as long as I can remember.  It has been my escape in a sense.  I also began making random poems to express my feelings.  I found this one that just cracks me up.  I was EXTREMELY bored!

Boredom 

I’m so bored, what can I do?

I could pick the lint out of my dirty shoe!

That’s too much fun, compared to the state I’m in

I’m so bored, I could play with my chin!

I watch a bug scurry along the floor

I follow it, but I hit the door!

Then a dust particle floats in the air

I begin to watch it, but it landed in my hair!

I then think to eat a toasted bun

But then I realize “that would be too much fun!”

So I put it down and think once more

“What could be boring to do, maybe I’ll do a chore!”

I look out my room, and guess what I’ve seen?

Nothing is a mess, everything is clean!

What can I do?  I’m bored out of my mind

There’s nothing I CAN do, there’s nothing I can find!

Nothing can compare to what stage I’m in

I’m so bored, It would be too much fun to play with my chin!

I try to get sick, so I can just lay all week.

This would pass time, and I wouldn’t feel like a geek.

Anything would be too fun, even being sick

Nothing can compare, not even playing with a stick!

Raising Arizona

Okay, I feel like I’m that chick on Raising Arizona, where she first holds the baby they kidnapped and starts balling and saying “I love him so much!”.  I really do love Duke so much, and when I look at him and realize that all of my other kids were that age at one point, too, I look at them with a lot of love as well.  I have so much love for all of my kids.  My boys are turning into more of my boyfriends, laughing  with each other, and my daughter is turning more into my sisterhood bond.  

I finally reached a major milestone.  I broke over a week ago and decided that Duke was going to stay in his crib, upstairs in his own room, and learn to sleep better.  OH MY GOODNESS!  I don’t know how long or how often he woke up crying, but I slept so much better.  I’ve been getting up only once to feed him (I don’t dare let him sleep the whole night without eating) and then I conk back out until the morning.  Hallelujah!  I think he’s sleeping a lot longer in the night, since every so often I’ll check the monitor and find no crying.  PLUS, he’s sleeping a lot better during the day.  2 hr stretches at more predictable times!  Oh so wonderful!  THEN I decided that exercise needed to move up on the priorities, so I went to the gym for the first time in 3 months last Sat..  I got to go to a spin class and all of the memories came flooding back.  I also ran on the treadmill yesterday, so here we go with my exercise regimen!  

This is my last month of kids in school, before summer.  I really want to take advantage…but what really would I do differently?  I’m already doing what I love (playing and taking care of the Duke man, cooking, maybe a nap, and some cleaning in peace!).  I guess I’ll just keep doing what I’ve been doing with an extra big smile.

I’m off to work on Jonathan’s anniversary present…although I worry that I won’t finish it in time for Friday.

The need to express

For the most part, I’m having the time of my life.  Duke is so cute and happy, and there’s a part of me that gets depressed that his littleness won’t last long.  I know I want him to grow, because that’s a good sign of health, but man.  This is going so fast. I will certainly enjoy every phase that he’s in, but I will miss these small days.  I love that his body is so little, and stays in the same place, exactly where I left him.  I love that he still can’t control his limbs, and sometimes “knits” with his hands (trying to grab his fingers).  This week I’ve noticed that he’s been trying to coordinate his hands to grab a toy.  ADORABLE!  I love that he has these chubby little thighs and arms to squeeze, and is slowly learning to laugh and coo.  These little learnings shows that he’s still completely dependent on me, new to this world.

What I don’t love is my lack of sleep and Duke’s refusal to go to bed on his own.  I don’t love the unpredictability of his naps (whether how long or when) and also mine. I say mine because even if he does go down for a nap, that doesn’t mean my body will cooperate and fall asleep, too.  My body gets into this survival zone where it decides that it’ll not want to fall asleep despite the huge need to snooze.  I guess it’s so tired of being interrupted all of the time, that it just says “fine, forget it.  I won’t even try.”  So I walk around numb or oblivious of how much damage is going on in my body due to lack of sleep.

Duke has always had his 4:30-7am grunting/fussy time (I think it’s gas, because every time I try to burp him throughout the night, he wont and I get restless, so I put him down anyway).  That’s the time that I put Jonathan in charge and I go back to bed.  Well, though he still gets up every 2-3 hrs, that morning chunk is the killer.  The last 2 mornings (beginning at 3:30am) Duke will decide that he wants to be awake rather than grunt for hours.  Ughhhhh.  Go to sleep!  Then he has cat naps during the day.  He may get a good 2 1/2 hr nap in, but those should be the normal, not 1/2 hr here and 45 min there.  I haven’t vented about this before because, hey, he’s a newborn and lack of sleep is part of the sign-up.  But he’s almost 3 months now and I’m still wanting to bang my head against the wall.  I should just finally say to myself that it’s okay to have him cry in his crib upstairs and start teaching him to sleep.  But I hate doing that!  I remember doing that for the other kids, and it just kills me.  I can’t sleep when I hear them cry, and it tears at my heart.  Jonathan can sleep right through  it, so of course he ‘s more anxious to teach him than I.  I feel like I have to be ready, and I’m not sure if I am yet.  Even though I’m dying.  I know, I’m probably in denial or I’m just crazy for not teaching him already.  I just tried putting him down for a nap 4 times already, and he keeps waking up crying.  He just wants to be held.  Now I”m just letting him cry it out because I can’t take it anymore.  I’m not losing any weight since birth and it’s probably because I get so exhausted that I think I need food to fuel me.  But duh, I’ve been eating more vegan-style, and totally healthy, but to no avail.  Why am I not even losing 1 lb?  I fear that I’ll have to start up some exercise, but I have absolutely not desire to.  I’d rather get sleep and be a happy mother and wife for my family.

I don’t know if I feel better for writing this out, but at least it’s for the archives of my life.  I hope I get a nap today.  A good one.

 

Duke Day

Duke Day

My sister got this skunk hat for whenever he was being a stinker. Well, this day he was a stinker. Unfortunately I don’t know the secret code to his hand gesture. Kinda looks like a peace-out sign.

Duke Day

Duke Day

Duke Day

Duke Day

Duke Day